This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
