im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
