the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
