Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
