I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
