maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
