but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
