Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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