I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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