The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
