I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
