I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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