The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
