I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
