So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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