wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
