Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You're like the curious george of whores
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
