I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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