she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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