I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
