I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
