Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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