Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
