There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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