At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
