me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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