i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
