so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
