Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
