I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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