Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
