when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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