he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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