i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
