Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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