I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
