That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
