as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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