Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
