OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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