I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The adults are the big ones right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
