My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
