Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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