Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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