This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
