Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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