I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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