he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
