What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
