I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
