her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
